Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
