I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
