no, he came in my armpit
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
