I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
