If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
