He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
