Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
