I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I wannas sexs uuuuu
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
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