WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
