if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
