hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
