My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
