need another drink. this is the easiest way
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
