I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
