from now on my penis is your penis
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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