Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Only a mothe r could love this liver
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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