What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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