I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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