I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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