guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
