You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
