imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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