Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
