Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Someone shit on the floor
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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