If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
