so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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