therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
