you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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