Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
