Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
