I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
if only i could text you this smell
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
