i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
