well I can't set my house on fire every night
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
