Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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