You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
