We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
