Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
