There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
