Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
