My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
where am i from again
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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