Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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