Screwed.edu
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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