There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
