God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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