Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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