he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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