i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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