how can u be prego again
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
