So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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