Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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