I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
