He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
