She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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