New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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