and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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