I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I see more hoeing in ur future
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
