Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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