FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
