we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
