My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
