so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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