i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
